


Lost Angels

by terma_archivist



Category: Earth Angels
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-01-01
Updated: 2002-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26535205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terma_archivist/pseuds/terma_archivist
Summary: Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived atTER/MAand was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address onthe TER/MA collection profile.Thanks as ever to Ursula, and to Lynda who sent me my copy.
Relationships: Antonio/Maximillian (Earth Angels)
Collections: TER/MA





	Lost Angels

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alicettlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [TER/MA](https://fanlore.org/wiki/TER/MA) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [the TER/MA collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/terma/profile).  
> Thanks as ever to Ursula, and to Lynda who sent me my copy.

  
**Lost Angels  
by Beth**

  
"Antonio." 

His voice is beautiful. Any form, and he would choose this one, this beautiful face that could look so innocent and could hurt me so much. I worry about Gregory, and Sarah and Nathan; I hope that he has not done anything to them so that we could be alone here. But more than that I worry for myself. 

God help me. Please? 

Do I even expect a reply, anymore? I have not felt His presence for so long, and it is almost as if He is not there. As if my words just disappear into a void. And I don't even know if it is me thinking this or if Maximillian is speaking through me. I don't know which scares me more. 

I feel him come closer to me, and I stiffen automatically. But I can't prevent the rush of pure emotion that flows through me... and I wish it was still fear. Fear would keep me wary, would keep me away. Once upon a time I loathed him, feared him, wanted nothing to do with him. Then as I saw what he had done, what he could do, I hated him. I was filled with black hatred that gave me strength and anger and made me want to kill him. 

And every night I begged Him to take my hatred, to make me pure again, but He couldn't help me. Or wouldn't. There was a legion of us, and even with those that have fallen, there remains a legion with Him. So what do I matter? The hatred remained and I craved him. I wanted to feel him die by my hands, taste his blood, salty and thick... and I knew I was lost. 

So I bought a gun. I will not desert Him, even if I must die. I will not become one of them. I must not... 

And then all my thoughts cease as he whispers in my ear. My name, but the way that he says it makes it sound different, new. He says it like I matter. Even Gregory doesn't make me feel as safe as I could let him make me feel. He promises me everything I've ever wanted, caresses me with his voice... and he has only said my name. 

I turn to face him, and take refuge on the other side of the room. He could be beside me in an instant, but I take what I can get. I am closer to the gun that rests in a drawer beside the bed, the gun I have not yet found the strength to use. But I will. The feelings that come over me as I look at him make me see how necessary it is. 

Because he is beautiful. It is night... he likes the night, prefers the company of those to whom it is home. And the moonlight comes through the window and highlights the lines of his beautiful face, turning his eyes to silver and removing all emotion. He looks like a statue—a stone angel guarding the graves of those he has corrupted. 

I want to possess him. I want to hold him and touch him and know that I am all he can think about. I want to make him forget what he is and come screaming my name. I want to make him see God, if only for an instant. I want to show him something good—want to save him. And it doesn't matter that I know he has been here longer than me, that whatever is in him would submerge the good in me in an instant. Because I have grown weak, have become human, and he is stronger than I am. And still I want him. And he knows. 

He knows me. He knows about the gun. He knows all my weaknesses, knows me better than Gregory ever could. Because Gregory has only ever seen the good in people and as much as that has helped him it can't do anything to save me. And Sarah's sympathetic smiles and Nathan's well-meaning words are useless because Maximillian knows that I want him. 

"Antonio." 

A whisper this time. And he doesn't appear to move so I don't know if I have imagined the light touch on my arm. But my body reacts, imagined or not, and I feel the blood rush to my face as my tight jeans conceal nothing. I close my eyes, and there is warm breath in my ear as he asks me why? Why do I still love Him, still believe that He loves me? And I am listening in spite of myself. 

"We weren't cast out. We were never cast out. Can't you see that? We fell. We are fallen angels. But did He ever show us where the line was? 

There was a time I loved Him with the same fervour that you did. But then He created them. Those insignificant creatures that could do all the things we couldn't—could create others, could fall in love, could express their love in a way that we never could... And it hurt me that He expressed His love by forgiving them over and over again when one minor transgression on our parts would damn us forever. 

Everyday they fall, and everyday He picks them up and dusts them off and sets them back on their feet. But when has He ever forgiven one of us?" 

And I am listening in spite of myself. 

"I don't want to love Him, Antonio. But I still do, despite what He has done to me. And I love you too," the words send a thrill through me, "I don't want you to fall. So I'm showing you the line and hoping you won't make one little mistake that will send you over." 

His mouth curves into a slight smile and he lowers his head until the moonlight is gone from his eyes. They are shadowed by his long lashes, and suddenly he looks all too human, like one of His chosen ones. And I want the cold forbidding angel to return because when he is like this it is too easy for me to love him. 

"Remember, Antonio... should you fall, I'll be here to catch you." The words are whispered into my ear and a soft kiss is pressed to my lips and he is gone. 

And I know I am lost. 

* * *

Disclaimer: They aren't mine, you know the drill   
Pairing: Earth Angels, Maximillian/Antonio   
Archive: Just ask.   
Thanks as ever to Ursula, and to Lynda who sent me my copy.   
Feedback to [email removed] Please? This is my first non M/K attempt... tell me if I'm doing it right!   
---


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